The Little Hoax: Studies Suggest a Preference for “Safety Dance”

DISCLAIMER: This article (and blog, The Little Hoax) are meant to be satirical. While the facts about Dance Marathon are accurate, the quotes and points of view expressed are meant to be humorous and are fictional.

A poll conducted by City High government teacher John Burkle suggests that younger generations prefer the “Safety Dance” over other popular dance moves. While the “Juju” and “Whip/Nae Nae” peaked in 2016, Burkle’s study points to a dramatic rise of the “Safety Dance” for 2017.

“My guess is kids are finally starting to realize the momentous joy that comes from singing and dancing along to the ‘Safety Dance,’” Burkle said. “I would not put it past me that all students would be dancing along at the upcoming Dance Marathon here at City High.”

Self-proclaimed dance-enthusiast Walter McDonough ’19 agrees that the City High Dance Marathon held on January 21st from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. sounds like a lot of fun.

“It sounds like a lot of fun,” McDonough said. “I cannot wait to attend Dance Marathon will all of my friends and dance along to the ‘Safety Dance’!”

The “Safety Dance” — a hit song from 1982 — includes multiple shrill notes and special effects from a keyboard. Fans of the song can download it illegally online via www.heehawshakeurgroovething.com and then be charged a hefty sum for stealing. However, tickets for Dance Marathon are only $5 beforehand and $7 at the door.

“Wow! You pay money to attend a fun dance with a real DJ, and all the money will be donated to a good charity?” Burkle said. “Seems like a good deal to me.”

The theme for this year’s Dance Marathon is “80’s.” For more information on the dance, read this.

“‘Cause your friends don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, well, they’re no friends of mine,” Burkle said.