Google defines “the friend zone” as a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other. Frequently used as an excuse for people to harbor hatred towards the people they feel sexual frustration towards, “the friend zone” has a growing reputation of hurting more than helping. This idea of a “friend zone” is commonly held by “nice guys/ girls” who think that “guys/girls only date jerks”. There is certainly an appropriate way to react to unreciprocated attraction, and lashing out like an entitled dudebro should not be standard procedure.

For the sake of gender anonymity and clarity, I am going to be identifying people who claim to be in “the friend zone” as Creepy Little Weirdos, or, for simplicity’s sake, CLWs. We all know one. This would be someone who finds it almost impossible to hold a platonic friendship with anyone of their preferred gender, and it can be frustrating as a friend of someone with these tendencies to convince them that, come on, they just think of you as friends.

This ideology commonly stems from insecurity. CLWs sometimes feel incomplete without a significant other, and so they jump madly, claws out, teeth foaming, at any possibility that they could develop a relationship with someone who shows them kindness on more than three occasions. Other times, CLWs are anything but insecure, and become entitled and brainwashed by the media to believe that their life can only be complete if they find their “manic pixie dream person.”

Famous Dudebros who didn’t handle the situation appropriately include:

Tom Hansen, 500 Days Of Summer: Oh, Mr Hansen. You believed so hard in the idea of a soul-mate that millions of little hipsters who completely misinterpreted the entire movie now believe in one sided entitlement to those just as quirky as you are. This movie also gave us the ever timeless, “Just because she likes the same bizarro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul-mate.”

-Rachel Hansen

Ross Gellar, Friends: Ross and Rachel had a rocky relationship from the beginning. The question of “Will they, won’t they?”  plagued the minds of fans but made us question Ross’ character as we watched his possessiveness of Rachel and his multiple attempts to control who she dated take over his otherwise chill personality.

Harry Burns, When Harry Met Sally: The entire premise of the movie is built around a small minded belief held by Harry that men and women cannot be “just friends”. This combination of gender stereotyping and sleazy entitlement ends up proving Harry… right! Spoiler alert, but Harry and Sally end up together in the end, spreading the ignorant message that platonic friendships between straight men and women don’t exist, and a sexual relationship is bound to start. Yikes.

Jim Halpert, The Office: Jim is the reason all these CLWs still believe in “the friend zone”.  Every boy has at one point in their life thought of themselves as Jim Halpert. Why not? I’m funny and handsome, they tell themselves. I make my female friend laugh so naturally our “will they/won’t they” tension will result in a relationship. Guess what? You’re not Jim Halpert. Nobody is. Jim Halpert is not real. The reason Jim and Pam got together is because they were in a TELEVISION SHOW written by a team of WRITERS. Their nice-guy-getting-the-girl dynamic was made that way because it’s easy for audiences to connect to.

Ducky Dale, Pretty In Pink: Arrogant high-schooler Ducky Dale protests wholeheartedly the budding relationship between the school jock and his best friend, the girl he’s in love with. The entire movie is basically him complaining how he’s “different” and better than the jock because he listens to alt music.

Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren, Orange is the New Black: Thought “the friend zone” was no-girls-allowed? Think again! The mentally ill Suzanne took the friend zone to a whole new level when her romantic gestures went unreciprocated by fellow inmate Piper Chapman, even going so far as to urinate on Piper’s cell floor. Ultimately, Suzanne gets over it and her and Piper’s relationship turns into a much healthier one.

Norma Desmond, Sunset Boulevard: While Crazy Eyes’ skewed perspective on her friendship with Piper was partly due to her mental illness, Norma Desmond was just straight up crazy. She trapped a guy in her mansion, believing he was her true love, and when he tried to leave her for the woman he loved, she *spoiler* shoots him three times!

Eponine, Les Miserables: Eponine, believing her and Marius are destined lovers, fails to deliver a letter sent from Marius to Cosette, the woman he loves. This causes a major conflict and thickens the already immense plot. Eventually, she does away with her selfishness and decides that Marius’s happiness is more important than hers. The audience watches gratefully as Eponine protects Cosette and her father from vengeful policeman Javert. In her final hours, she does end up professing her love for Marius, and he, in turn, grants her an appropriate act of platonic respect and affection and kisses her on the forehead.

Tinkerbell, Peter Pan: Tinkerbell was a jealous fairy who grows to understand that a young girl doesn’t deserve to die simply because they have a crush on the same immortal rapscallion.

Good examples of people reacting to unreciprocated affection include:

Tom Haverford, Parks and Recreation: Lovable skeeze-ball Tommy Haverford pursues many lovers throughout seven seasons, many of whom were initially repulsed by Tom’s advancement. While Tom persists in his advances, they are harmless and non threatening, and ultimately, he gets the hint and preserves the friendships that grow from his comical rejections.

Eowyn, Lord of the Rings: In The Two Towers and The Return of The King, Eowyn joins the ranks of the many fair maidens who have swooned at the battle worn musk of Aragorn. However, Eowyn does not allow her infatuation and subsequent rejection to consume her. Though heartbroken, she pursues her initial ambition of being a battle hero, and breaks gender stereotypes and Orc skulls in the process.

Edward Scissorhands, Edward Scissorhands: First of all, he had scissors for hands, so any sort of relationship with a normal human would be tricky. Edward understood this though, and while his love for Winona Ryder’s Kim  grows, so does his respect for her. He puts her first over everything, and expects nothing in return.

Molly Hooper, BBC Sherlock: Molly Hooper could not catch a break for the first three seasons. She relentlessly pursued the narcissistic Sherlock Holmes to no avail, even suffering through the tyranny of insults he throws her way. Ultimately, she comes to terms with her feelings and realizes that she deserves to be treated better. Their friendship develops into a strong one, and she forever holds a special place in the cold heart of Mr Holmes.

As for any advice I would have for people in “the friend zone”, respect and communication is key. And stop calling it “the friend zone”! Simply addressing the conundrum of unreciprocated attraction as a sadly delivered, “we’re just friends” should suffice. They are your friend, and if you like them that much, then being in platonic camaraderie should be an honor all its own.