Theo Dreams of Coffee

As I write this, at one in the morning, I am drinking coffee. Why am I making this fantastic decision, you may ask? Because I procrastinated writing this until the last possible minute. This isn’t some uncommon image; every month, every deadline, every due date, I’m up late at night, imbibing my beloved life-bestowing bean juice.

Okay, yeah, I know I have a problem. I mean, you’ve got to make the grade somehow, am I right? Plus, if I didn’t drink coffee, I would have to take an ADHD medication which would cut my sleep hours and make me feel like a zombie 50% of the time, anyhow. Let the debate about whether or not coffee and caffeine is healthy rage on (it is. I’m right.) I reckon I’ll stick with my coffee, thanks.

It should be noted that I am by no means condoning substance abuse. Addiction is a serious problem and should be addressed as such. Be responsible, folks. Ultimately, my caffeine quest in high school was to reach a state of hygge as frequently as I can; coffee or tea, a book, a blanket, a cat, and a warm fire while a blizzard’s a-blowing outside. Basically, what I’m saying is that I want to live in Alaska with a personal library and some cats and a French press.

Now, coffee can be a petulant peer; add too much cream and sugar, and it will become weak, just like those who drink it as such. I drink my coffee black because, contrary to the mild-mannered image I may present to the world, I am extremely hardcore. This dark and bitter aesthetic matches my view of high school. High school is a dangerous place, full of homework, difficult questions, and even more difficult decisions (should I get up to make tea, or should I stay in bed? should I wear flannel, or…flannel? is 42 really the answer to life, the universe, and everything? if so, why?), and I definitely wouldn’t recommend it to the faint of heart, at least without coffee. Actually, if you’re faint of heart, coffee might be a bad idea. Sit down. Breathe. I’ve definitely never been in this situation, especially in my preparations for AP tests or the ACT.

Although I thus spake in jest (mostly), I can still vouch for coffee’s power. ‘Tis more powerful than the tides, more powerful than whatever gods may be, more powerful even than humanity, for without it school would crush me and many of my classmates to dust. But coffee elevates us above the dust, above the numberless fauna crawling on all fours through the wilds of the Midwest. Coffee is the glue that holds our lives together. So. Cheers! I guess. Whatever you people do with your coffee mugs.