If you haven’t heard of JoAnn, presumably you’ve been under a crochet rock for the last 60 years. Previously known as JoAnn’s before our girl got angsty, JoAnn (technically JoAnn Fabrics) is a chain of craft supply stores that basically has everything Paris Gellar ever put in her crafting corner.

(If you don’t get that reference, clearly you’re a normal 16-year-old who’s never thought, “Hey, what if my mom and I were just, like, really, really attached to one another and I was convinced that it was a smart idea to apply only to Harvard, Princeton, and Yale, and no other schools?”)

(But I digress.)

JoAnn stores are massive. Stepping into one is like stepping into Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, but for people like me who, for some reason, derive meaning in their lives by wearing/decorating their homes with/putting their baby in/owning stuff they made themselves (Hey, Jo, if you’re ever looking for an heir who won’t try and catch a squirrel or blow up like a blueberry, I don’t like rabies or experimental gum, so hit me up). They’re basically giant industrial warehouses with inspirational crafting quotes written on the walls in green chrome, and I now feel valid in knowing what they are because Hasan Minhaj made a joke about them a couple of weeks ago.

However, most people actually don’t know the most important thing about JoAnn: its deals are Ab. Surd. But you have to get yourself well-placed.

The first thing to do if you want to become a true JoAnn fanatic is to familiarize yourself with its stock. You can browse through the website, but it’s better to visit a real store. The immense selection will help you understand just how much money you could save on just how much stuff.

Next, you’ll want to commit by registering for an account and downloading the JoAnn app. This is where the real fun begins. The app has some almost unbelievable deals, and if you sign up for emails the store will also notify you about some of the best sales. Then you can scan the coupons’ QR codes on your phone at the cash register at JoAnn as well as using them online. Some highlights: anywhere from 40 to 60 percent off any one item, 80 percent off custom framing, and $10 off of any purchase of more than $50.

Then go wild. No, no, don’t thank me.