You know something’s up when the best performance in the film you’re watching is given
by a 65 year old Austrian who, still, after all these years, is difficult to understand. So it goes with those January release date movies. Yes, The Last Stand with Arnold Schwarzenegger(that might as well be it’s official title) is a terrible movie. But is it fun? Absolutely. The entertainment factor(largely unintentional until the action packed third act) is through the roof. Just maybe not worth nine dollars.
The film is about a drug kingpin Gabriel Cortez, who escapes prison in Las Vegas(?) and hightails it for the border in a super fast car that is a plot hole in itself. Before he can reach the border, he has to fight his way through the town of Sommerton Junction in Arizona, where Ray Owens, the super American sheriff(Schwarzenegger) puts together a team of really bad actors to help put a stop to this madness. Oh yeah, it’s also Sheriff Owen’s day off, which just sucks, man.
I kind of understand why the acting is so bad in this movie. The director, Kim Jee Woon is a famed South Korean filmmaker, who has made some absolutely brilliant movies over there, yet here, he makes his American movie debut. He also doesn’t speak English, which can prove that there was probably a little bit of a communication error somewhere along the lines. At the same time, I feel like for some of the more experienced actors, they should’ve known that they’re acting sucked and just did their own thing. It’s not like the director would’ve noticed anyways, he was probably just going off of the tones of their voices.
If there’s any actor in the film that has some explaining to do, it’s Academy Award winner Forest Whitaker, who plays an FBI agent in charge of tracking down Cortez. Whitaker is just abysmal here. His dialogue ranges from “SOMEONE ZOOM IN ON THAT PICTURE!”, to “EVERYBODY BE QUIET. THE DRUG DEALER’S ON THE PHONE!”, to, finally, “SOMEONE ZOOM IN ON THAT PICTURE!”. Granted, it does make for some entertaining viewing, but Whitaker is a good actor, he didn’t have to let anyone down here, yet he still did.
The Last Stand is, miraculously, a return to form for Schwarzenegger, who hasn’t been in a film since the masterpiece remake of Around the World in 80 Days with Jackie Chan(and no, I don’t count those pithy, wooden cameos he makes in the Expendables series, because those aren’t actually movies, they’re B-list celebrity retirement centers). I’ve certainly missed the campiness of a Schwarzenegger extravaganza. They made for solid entertainment, ranging from actual action masterpieces (Terminator 2, Predator), to really really bad but re-watchable movies(Kindergarten Cop, Jingle All the Way). It’s safe to say that Ah-nuld, without establishing any form of acting at all(I wouldn’t expect anything less), still entertains in the way I anticipated him to. He delivers his lines with a sense of paycheck, and as a result, you can tell he’s really giving the film a full 25%. Just watching him is fantastic, when he’s delivering one of the many fantastic comic one-liners in the film, he’s really funny, but when he delivers a serious line, he’s hilarious. I’m being totally serious, here. Arnold owns this movie, even when he doesn’t intend to. Which is the magic of a Schwarzenegger film.
The writing in this movie is just awful. The film felt like the first draft of a movie that would still suck three drafts in. I don’t think it helps that the first draft was by Andrew Knauer, with this being his first script, and a re-write was generated by Jeffrey Nachmanoff, who penned such Shakespearean classics as “The Day After Tomorrow” and Don Cheadle’s “Traitor”. Nuff said.
I know it sounds like I’m completely trashing the film, and though it is certainly trash, it’s no doubt entertaining. Even the crappiest things about it are fun to watch, and the third act definitely kicks things up a notch. The action towards the end is great, 90’s shoot-out fun, and it’s always fun to see Arnold fly out the window of a second story window and be fine. There are even some genuinely funny scenes here, like an interrogation early in the film, and a moment involving Arnold and a bunch of old people not willing to leave their diner and run for safety.
So yes. The Last Stand is pretty bad. Maybe even awful. But it’s so darn fun to watch. All the bad parts can be laughed at, and all the action scenes can be wholly entertaining, especially if you go into the film with your expectations slightly lowered. I know I did. It’s a Schwarzenegger film. Who wouldn’t? Now bring on A Good Day to Die Hard!
Critics Score(according to Rottentomatoes.com): 58%
My Score: 6.5/10
